I have been through such turmoil of my life where I understood that eating healthy and excercising is not the only solution to stay fit. I have taken stress, bad stress along with lack of sleep which has lead to increase my cholesterol level inspite of following proper nutrition. I have now decided to prioritised my health rather than taking stress, messing up my life for no specific reason then spending thousands on medication and treatment. Stress gave me improper menstrual cycle, weight gain, PCOD, cholesterol issues, etc.
Sometimes you have to be selfish, you have to think of yourself, you have to prioritised health rather than messing yourself with unnecessary emotions, expectations, sadness, making yourself feel not worthy and thriving for importance from the people who doesn’t value your health. I have wasted enough of my time destroying my health and thinking about the happiness of other people even when those people hardly cared for me and my health. I have been sleepless for nights thinking about them, trying to make them happy which ultimately made me feel miserable.
I have been crying for nights, trying to survive in anxiety and panic. I have went through palpitations, low BP which also made me unconscious and I fainted on a public place, unaware of the scenario surrounding me. Trust me it doesn’t help. No stress is not a friendly person. Now I have decided to leave aside all my emotions, attachments, expectations and living my life for other person’s happiness. I will live for myself. I will be a healthy person. I will surround myself with positivity rather than crying for unnecessary reasons 🙂
We all must have read the love story of divine nymph Shakuntala and the great warrior and King Dushyant. I was always charmed by their story since my childhood, always wanted to know how it feels to take the pain of separation, feel incomplete without someone, how intense is the feeling of love. Imagine if the same love story happened in 21st century. Allow me to reframe and elaborate this. In the world full of chaos, selfhood, arrogance and greed, spotting an altruistic act is rare and magical. But love is one feeling which no matter how you oppress comes out for a particular person. Unconditional, Compassionate and benevolent love. Shakuntala was bound not to fall in love with anyone because of the scope of society. But love know no boundaries and horizon, no age or caste, it just happens. Like you get connected to someone as if you were bound to give yourself to that person, as if you both were searching for each other to complete your souls. Beauty of love cannot be defined but it has to be felt. Shakuntala met Dushyant. She was beautiful, no wonder that Dushyant fell in love with her instantly upon beholding her, told her that he had fallen desperately in love with her. Asked consent to be his lover. Cursed by the societal norms and amenableness, she felt helpless but couldn’t help herself to control the love for him. Broke all the laws and stereotypes, they loved each other ardently and fiercely. Reality strikes and Dushyant had responsibilites. He promised to be with her soon. Before going, he gave her pair of earrings as a token of his affection. In the meantime, Shakuntala could not put the Dushyant out of her mind. She spent all her time brooding, waiting for the time when Dushyant would come back and take her with him so that they be together forever. She was so absent minded, that she even stopped living her the life the way she used to do, started ignoring her responsibilities making her surrounding miserable. He never came back. She kept on waiting. He had aspirations, he was young and handsome, had dreams to fulfill. He concentrated on his career, always wanted to be a free bird, he started living in the world he made for him. She was still in love and in pain of waiting for him. Bound by the cruelties of this world and guild, she wasn’t able to decribe her feelings and the condition. Her state of mind refused to maintain harmony with her heart. She accepted the fate and gave her soul to him. She ended her life and went to a world where she knew he will come and they will meet again.
Today is the day. The day you start believing again. Oh, I know it’s been a hard road. I know these last few week, months, years have really tested you. They’ve scraped you up. Bruised you. Tested the limits of your strength. Stretched the boundaries of your heart. Hurt your hands as you tried so hard to hold on to things that were tearing at your grasp. And yet here you are. Unbroken. Still standing. Maybe still teary eyed and healing but ready.
Ready on this new day to start believing again. Believing that the plan for your life is not just what has already happened to you. Believing that your future, your destiny is still being written. Shaped. Refined. Perfected. Now is the perfect time to remember how to believe in love and in yourself. No matter who has hurt you, or what’s been taken from you, or how many times you have had to glue all the pieces of your heart back together. No matter how many times you’ve had to start over. Today. Today is the day you stop holding yourself back. Tied down with things you wish you’d done differently. Things you wish had gone differently. Burdened with the what ifs and the should- haves. And the if-onlys. Today.
Today is the day you remember that there are still good people in the this world. Who mean well. And want what you want. The day you finally realize that there truly is a purpose for everything. Each and every step. Every heartbreak. Every joy. Every loss. All just pieces of the puzzle that doesn’t even have a complete picture painted yet. But will. Today is your day. Your blank canvas. If you needed a sign, here it is. It’s time to let go. And go fearlessly, joyfully and with a boundless hope into your new life. It is the time.
ना जाने क्या था उसकी हवा में
शायद गंगा की खुशबू थी
जो साथ यहाँ तक चाली आई
आँखों से ओझल हो गए सपने
पर वो यादें कभी न मिटा पायी
बहुत पुराना रिश्ता है मेरा
ये शहर, ये गली और ये नदियों से
वो नाँव और धुन्दला सा सूरज
वक़्त भी रुक जाता था गंगा को देखते
खो गया है वक़्त अब
गुलमोहर के फूल और नीम की टहनी
अपनापन बताते थे
और गर्मी में लू बहुत सताते थे
फूल सूख गए आँख भीग गई
शहर बदल गया पर याद न बदली
हमे तो लगता है,
मोहब्बत हो गई है उसे शायद
जो बार बार सपने में आता है
बिना कहे कुछ बिना सुने कुछ
सिर्फ बीती पल याद दिलाता है
शायद कहता वापस आ जाओ
मैं वहीँ हवा चलाता हूँ
वो लोग न मिले तुम्हे शायद
पर एहसास वही दिलाऊंगा
I am so heartbroken today. Just whenever I think I should have faith in humanity and our constitution, someone always makes me realize I am taking the wrong way. Today there was so much of traffic in Bangalore everywhere that there was no scope of rash driving or fast driving. You just cannot drive in 2nd gear. But we keep seeing such people who try to be smart and behave that they can violate the rules and drive in their own way, keep changing lanes all the time bothering everyone. This is what happened to us today. We were driving on Old Madras road full of traffic and trying to take left turn (our indicator was already blinking) but an elderly person came from the left in speed trying to overtake us. What went wrong was there was lot of traffic in the front so he was not able to go anywhere and suddenly applied brake. We were unaware that he will apply brake just after overtaking us, so our car bumped on him giving his car a dent(as said by him Which we are not sure if any damage happened). In the middle of traffic he came out and started shouting at us blaming that we are youngsters and doing rash driving. We requested him to side his and our vehicle so that we can talk and sort this out because traffic and people were getting effected. but he tried to get inside our vehicle and in the meanwhile a bus dashed our vehicle so badly that our car fender on the left got fully damaged. We told him that the chaos he has created made loss for both of us. But he took us to Indiranagar Police Station and said he will punish us, do court case for whatsoever we have done. We apologized a 100 times, explained him lot many times that he overtook us from the left when we were about to take the turn but he said he is an elderly person and we are no one to say he is wrong on any part. RULES ARE RULES. TRAFFIC RULES ARE FOR EVERYONE WHETHER SOMEONE IS YOUNG OR OLD. That’s what I knew throughout my life. Policeman said both were at fault some or the other way and both have got loss on the vehicle so creating issue about this is useless and mutually sort this out. But he insisted to lodge a complain everytime saying we are youngsters and we do rash driving and he is an elderly person so he should be given priority for this. He also passed comments on our character. So the policeman said to go to Traffic Police Station and do the complain. In the meanwhile he punctured our vehicle which we didn’t even realize and said to come to Traffic police station. When we started, we got to know that our car is punctured and we cannot go there till we get this thing repaired. So we approached the same policeman and told him what happened to us and even requested him to inform the Traffic Police Station that the elderly man has punctured our car, we will take time to reach there. He helped us fixing our car for which I am very obliged to him and we reached 15-20mins late to Traffic Police Station. When we entered inside we got to know that the elderly person has manipulated them and infact wrote that we didn’t turn up because we were at fault. He went from the station by the time we reached. Also he wrote in the complain that we tried to hide our identity, which was completely wrong because when he asked our name and what we do we told him without any fear as we knew we were not wrong at our part. But this was not the end, what we didn’t expect was Traffic Police inspector (I don’t know his name) spoke rudely to us and wasn’t ready to hear our story. Inspite of our requesting him to hear what exactly happened he said you also write a complain and let court decide who is right. We forcefully told him that he came from the left to right overtaking us when we we taking left turn and which is wrong according to traffic rules, he shouted back to us saying no one follows traffic rules here in Bangalore, you don’t teach me these things, pay him the amount and settle this. I wasn’t able to control my emotions and I broke down at that moment for which I apologized to policemen after realising i did wrong and made my voice loud on them. but if they would have listened to our story rather than saying we are wrong, we should do settlement and ignoring us unnecessarily such things wouldn’t have happened. SO BASICALLY IF EVERYONE BREAKS TRAFFIC RULES WE CAN’T GET THIS RULES THING SORTED AND WE CAN’T TELL PEOPLE TO FOLLOW RULES.? SERIOUSLY? We don’t have problem giving money for the damage, even we have suffered damaged but we are not asking or even blaming him, that because of his stubborn behavior he got even our car damaged but if we will support what is wrong and get feared of court case or FIR when we are not at fault then we have no rights to dream about our country becoming better place to live. Threatening a person who is kind has become a habit of other people these days, and this is what happened to us. He infact lied to policemen saying our left fender was already damaged even seeing in front of his eyes what happened. We can pay money and we will do it tomorrow when his dent get repaired but with this I have lost faith on police (I have always admired and respected Bangalore police and their work, even tweeted about them lot many times) but because of few people and their biased behavior is what breaks my heart. I know so many responsible youngsters (my friends, colleagues, neighbors) who don’t violate traffic rules and give effort to make our country beautiful and better place. THIS STEREOTYPING BY PEOPLE THAT YOUNGSTERS ARE CARELESS, RUDE AND RASH DRIVERS SHOULD GET STOPPED. When we said to the elderly person we don’t want such court cases unnecessarily, he said – you people should learn a lesson and if it takes your career I don’t care. So basically it’s a revenge or something? I don’t understand and don’t want to understand such complexities. I just want people to be fair on their part, if we accept our mistakes why can’t other person do that rather than becoming stubborn and frightening other person taking advantage of their politeness. And to its worst Police supporting something wrong breaks my heart. This is not the country which we dream about. Tomorrow we will pay him for the dent, take responsibility of our left fender damage but restoring our faith in humanity and justice will definitely going to take time.
I was in the middle of nowhere, trying to find who i am, in the midst of the haze. I don’t remember what it was, smoke or clouds? But i heard birds chirping, calling me and dancing butterflies trying to tell me you are one of us, free yourself and enjoy in this nowhere of yours. I was so much into those voices that i could barely think. There was also a fragrance coming with the breeze. I felt, it reminded me of some flowers which were there in my garden during my childhood days or maybe it was some sweetened scent of honeycomb mixed with spices of those woods. I was no longer able to concentrate to take a decision. I was so far from everything yet right in the middle of something.
I have always found myself lost at many situations of life, like when i am deeply thinking about something or maybe lost in some thought which i vaguely remember later. But this was the moment i enjoyed for being no one or to pretend to be someone. This was my favorite moment. I felt empty. My soul was able to connect with the nature, the smell of mud, sound of winds and welcoming postures of the eucalyptus trees waving towards me. I think those trees were pristine but the way it was letting their branches feel free it looked like clean and fresh as if they are new to this world. I was standing still or maybe i was moving forward, i wasn’t sure about that. All i noticed was clouds above me were in a hurry to go somewhere. I don’t know if they were really going somewhere or they were just nomads. Even i wanted to be a nomad, i wanted to break all the barriers and fly freely like they do. I wasn’t sure if i was jealous of them.
I met someone in those woods. I am not sure who it was, a human or an animal or a bird but i was so sure that i connected myself with the creature. First i thought it was a waff but it could have been the other way round too. Although that creature welcomed me with eye contact, the fact we were both so disconnected from the life or the real world, was enough for us to meet and feel connected. I stopped in my tracks and looked back. Where was I? This question suddenly made me so insecure about myself that i blanked out and neglected my friend-to-be. My friend-to-be thought i am some terrifying person and went somewhere.
Then this question started haunting in my mind. What is real world? Where i was pretending to be someone or this moment where i am no one but still feel the sense of being myself. I knew i will never get this answer and decided to go back to the place i came from. Gradually all those resonance of birds and woods faded out and a familiar voice hit my ears. I was in the middle of a national highway standing in the way of many vehicles. I was not welcomed back.